Rules for life
by RebekahTHEBeautiful
Summary: Ok, kids... this what NOT to do when hanging out with the Autobots. And maybe not with the 'cons either. Let me know what you think in reviews! Will be in progress till further notice.


Disclaimer: All hail Dreamworks, Michael Bay, Hasbro and everyone that owns the Transformers. I, however, do not. I only call dibs on Jailynn. Message me if you want to use Jailynn please.

Prowl and Wheeljack both are forcing me to write this. Arcee has to help. Primus, help us all, but mostly help Prowl and 'jack. Let's get this goin'…

1. Never 'help' Wheeljack, especially if you have a tendency to blow stuff up yourself.

(Ratchet was so mad, but mostly due to the fact that he no longer has a medbay, which was a good quarter mile from 'jacks' lab.)

(NEST Command is now a crater. At least no one was home, per se.)

(Because of a "bomb sighting" prank.)

(The ice cream twins pissed me off.)

(NEST suffered for their stupidity.)

(I was in hiding for days.)

(Lennox was _so_ mad…)

2. Never hide the latest invention/ project from Wheeljack. EVEN IF IT IS "JUST FOR FUN."

(Turns out the 'project' was a Decepticon.)

(I no longer have a locker in the lab.)

(The engineer was far from sympathetic.)

(Prowl was wondering how in the Pit I'd escaped from the brig.)

(I'm now in hiding from the slagger.)

3. Never laugh hysterically if said invention/project from rule #2 starts moving.

(I had.)

(Wheeljack commed Ironhide AND Ratchet for the project and me, respectively.)

(Prowl showed up as well.)

(Busted. Frag.)

(Me: But Ironaft got the call to _destroy_ the 'con, _not_ get me in trouble!)

(Arcee: They weren't happy to say the least.)

4. Never have Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" playing when working out.

(I sing to it.)

(Whilst taking punches at the punching bag.)

(With Prowl's picture on it.)

(Ironically, the only 'bot that'll come near me when I sing it is Prowl.)

(Optimus, Ratchet and 'hide keep me from carrying out the chorus in the song on any of the others.)

(Poor Sides never knew what hit him.)

(Once again: Prowl caught me. He's the only one fast enough to catch me.)

(Prowl had me locked in medbay with Ratchet.)

(Said second-in-command got hit after I got out.)

(I successfully got away with that one by blaming Captain Johnson.)

(Scary thing is, video footage actually proves she did it.)

5. Never cuss Will Lennox out for no reason at all.

(Me: It wasn't me!)

(Arcee: His femme's temper puts me to shame.)

(Arcee, me: Damn security footage.)

6. Daring Sam Witwicky to make out with Chromia: $100.00

(Equipment for videotaping said event: $250.00)

(Watching Mikaela and Ironhide go after Sam and Chromia upon seeing said footage: priceless.)

(Ironhide went after Sam. Mikaela went to tear Chromia a new one.)

(It cost me $350.00 and a week in the brig.)

(I kept the video.)

(Blackmail file: started.)

(Arcee: So it WAS you!)

(Me: I'm gonna go ahead and plead the fifth right about now.)

7. Never play depressing music near Ratchet or Optimus or Lennox.

(They will think you are suicidal.)

(Nearly killed Lennox for approving some wretched little glitch as a shrink.)

(Killed said shrink.)

(Me: I know where the body is. No one else ever will. Not yet, anyways.)

(Flareup: Hey sisters, we're teaching her right!)

(Me: Killing that glitch was fun. Can I do it again?)

(Chromia, Arcee: So, Jailynn, where's the body?)

(Me: *evil grin and pointing to a screaming Sam Witwicky's quarters*)

8. Blackmail, under no circumstances, is to be used to get Glen to get the last Reese's peanut butter cup.

(I threatened to tell Ironhide and Ms. Banes that said computer whiz helped cause #6.)

(He caved, knowing what would happen if I did.)

(Maggie was not happy with me.)

(I was hungry! Honest to Primus!)

(More blackmail in my beautiful little file.)

9. Never play the card game "War" with the Arcee triplets, Ratchet, or Ironhide and DEFINTIELY not with Optimus Prime, Lennox, or Epps. ESPECIALLY WITH THEM ALL TOGETHER. Play it with civilians. It's not as dangerous.

*I'll write up a small story.

10. When pranking Arcee, remember to snag her weapons. Or the end will not be pretty.

(Sunny and Sides are still in Ratchet's medbay.)

(Me: Holy fish sticks! They've been in there five months?!)

(Me: See what happens?)

(Arcee:*powering up weapons and smirking* Once Ratchet is done with them, they'll be in there again. Wanna help, femme?)

(Me:*snags car keys, grinning* Gladly.)

(Note: Never, under any circumstances, tell Arcee, Chromia, or Flareup that their sisters are carrying sparklings, even in joking. When Ratchet scans them and discovers it was a joke, said medic is liable to commit a string of murders. That is, if the triplets let you live, but that is highly unlikely.)

11. When planning to annoy Prime, give someone a heads up.

(I didn't tell anyone; I was pretending to be a ninja.)

(I got shot by Lennox in the leg.)

(Optimus was wondering why I was limping.)

(Flareup: Lennox's femme laughed her aft off.)

(Me: Ratchet was no help.)

12. We all should know this by now, but if you enjoy living life to the fullest, NEVER skip physicals, check- ups, repair and maintenance appointments with Ratchet.

(If I have to comment on this, you're obviously new to NEST and a human, so consider yourselves officially warned.)

(Autobots don't get to get away with this. Ratchet can clock the 'bots with those evil wrenches… humans get threatened with brig time, therefore easier to corner and with nowhere to run to...)

(Lennox tried to skip his physical. Yeah…)

(Prime and Ironhide tried to as well…)

13. Do not fall asleep in the middle of a prank war. Especially if you are potential victim.

(Skids, Mudflap- Ratchet is calling for you to visit him in medbay ASAP. Find Sam and Miles while you're at it.)

(Epps- You and Fig can come out of hiding now. Lennox has Optimus and Ironhide under control… for now.)

(Jazz- Why the frag are you hiding from Arcee? On second thought, I don't wanna know…)

(Ratchet, Prowl- Prime needs to have a chat with you two when you quit being chickens. But still avoid Captain Johnson at all costs. Her skin is still lime green.)

(Blurr- who did you get and why? Oooh, Mikaela, wha- never mind, Blurr. Run, my friend, run.)

14. Unless you want to be in the brig for a few days, DO NOT spray paint Red Alert or Wheeljack.

(Lennox: Kid, I swear you're more trouble than either set of twins!)

(Sides, Sunny: Finally someone agrees with us!)

(Me: Hey!)

(Skids, Mudflap: Sorry, it's true.)

(Me: Frag you.)

15. LEAVE RATCHET'S WRENCHES ALONE. You have been warned.

(Prowl now has many wrench- shaped dents.)

(I told him they were bombs.)

(He believed me and tried to take them away from Hatchet.)

(Bad idea.)

16. Wait until Annabelle is of age before teaching her Cybertronian and/ or human cursing.

(Arcee: Teaching her to cuss was not a wise thing, youngling.)

(Me *holding Anna*: I didn't teach her to cuss, so slag off, you little processor glitch, malfun- Oh, hi Major. Here's Annabelle.)

(Prowl: Brig for the both of you!)

(Annabelle: Slag off!)

*Me an' 'Cee share a look, knowing*

*Prowl and Major Lennox pass out from shock*

(We weren't seen for weeks. We three had to hide at my warehouse.)

(Sarah Lennox still carries a handgun that has a bullet in it with my name on it. She's scary.)

17. Never dare Ratchet to showcase his entire collection of wrenches. Or, in a human's case, needles.

(He'll do it.)

(If you do, make sure he holds no grudges against you whatsoever.)

(I didn't check. Turns out he had me down for a check-up two weeks ago. I missed it apparently.)

(*holds self in fetal position*… Big… needles…)

18. When ARCEE is the one suggesting pranks, RUN.

(This usually means she and her sisters want revenge on someone. It will end one of several ways: spectacular fireworks; a fight to rival Mission City; explosions to outdo Egypt; or think Shanghai.)

(Times three. Remember, Arcee is triplets. And they're all very trigger-happy.)

(I'm always willing to help her. And I won't run. The mechs do.)

(Annabelle, even though she's only five, wants to help us, but we are wisely waiting until she's older. Not that we haven't corrupted her some already…)

19. When air guitaring to "The Waiting Game", it will confuse those who don't get it.

(I was air guitaring to pass the time.)

(Ironhide gave me a headache. Too many questions.)

(So did Prowl. Same story.)

(Ratchet fixed that for me.)

(He gave me my own set of wrenches as an early birthday gift.)

(I love those wrenches.)

20. When daring Wheel jack to make an Autobot- sized washing machine just for laughs, don't tell NEST or Autobot command about it.

(Ok, here's why: we did tell the first time. Lennox and Ironhide joined forces with Sam, Mikaela, Bumblebee and Ratchet against the both sets of twins. The former threw the latter group into said machine.)

(Despite me and 'jack getting into trouble with Prime and General Morshower, it was very amusing to see Sunny, Sides, Mudflap, and Skids' colors all random and swirly.)

(Annabelle liked their new paintjobs. She asked if they needed help "to make it prettier.")

(Epps was laughing for days.)

(More blackmail.)

21. Don't play 20 Questions with either set of twins.

(They will play reverse psychology and leave you desiring to commit homicide.)

(Sarah L.: Is that why you blew Ironhide's firing range up, Jailynn?)

(Ironhide: Was that you, kid?)

(Me: … maybe?)

(Ironhide let me on the firing range after that. He said I needed to learn how to blow things up better.)

(Lennox now prays to God and every other deity that no one will decide to make me or 'hide angry.)

22. When jamming to some music, don't have it louder than guidelines set by Ratchet or any other medic; they know best. Or else.

(Jazz and I lost our tunes for three weeks.)

(I was actually trying to follow the rules for once.)

(Jazz… not so much.)

(I was begging Ratchet to let me have my music back during those three weeks.)

23. Do not let Jolt outside when there's a thunderstorm outside.

(Nowadays, Jolt is tossed in the brig when there is a storm.)

(He accidentally electrocuted Leo and Miles.)

(I was laughing. Still am.)

Advice? Flames? Review please!


End file.
